depressed smiling heart

these is my down flow in life...
i think the conflict is started by the day i became a leader of a group which in 6 members in size...
its about few weeks ago....
and everything changed...
from a peaceful college life transform to a really annoying environment....
friendships gone...
and rumors had played an fantastic game between us...

and i admitted that i got a little hot-tempered recently...
i think you guys figured it...
if i not mistaken i think i am pressured myself too much...
when i got tired and assignments is pending...
especially when someone in the group encouraged you to become leader but don't tend to follow you...
P/S: i Know you are busy too! why don't you just talk to me? but talked behind me? Don't you feel yourself got a little over? Seems like put me on the table... i really disappointed... i treat u as friend but you treat me like fool!

i was so frustrated...
at first i was so excited and asking others for sketches and mock-up models....
cause idea and sharing is needed and important for the project....
since i was the leader....
and i treat you guys as friend...
i don't really hope to put my idea at first...
so i asked you guys to do the sketches too...
i'm not tend to order you or anything...
but what you guys gave me?
reasons that can't make it?????
i can... why you can't???

ok fine....
come out with the project....
in tend to maintain our friendship....
and i failed to be a leader of you..
and which you never appreciate....
i quited as a leader....
and you became the one successful leader....
which that never contact me or never even a message about the progress....
especially the budget you guys had discussed about....
why i'm the last one who know?
Some more it is not from you guys?
despite a member from a group do you still treat me as a friend?

and now...
the big secret is being sealed....
and most of you pointed at me....
and said i'm the one who spread it?
and especially you..
if you got any comments for anyone...
or you have anythings you are not clear and you want to know...
or you suspect someone....
why don't you just go direct to the person and make clear of it?
why must always form a little group and discuss about and add in some of your very own comments?
i just don't understand this kind of habit which you don't know that you are having....
is it really fun to do that?
if you want to know the story behind this rumor...
you can always refer to the one that you heard from and keep asking until you found the source...
i mean if you really want to make clear bout it...
and i don't really like being blamed especially its not my fault...
its a little bit dull here...
after being blamed by you....
you brought another 2 follower...
to discussed about this secret sealing issue...
why the other 2 so quiet?
and you are the one who got lots of questions and opinions....
so why don't you try to solve it privately?
why must always do things in such exaggerate way?
what is your motive?
misunderstanding?
angry?
or want gain concern of the crowd?
lol~*sick*

and this is you..
still remember the first time you complain to me of some other guy in our class that you don't like?
i was shocked....
from the external...
i really don't feel anything about you and him....
and you could come out with words that really kill that guy...
afterwards...
i found that....
actually this guy is not the one that you complained that bad...
since that is only few weeks we got knew each other....
you already started with those of attitude..

now....
your target is me.....
so....
aim me....
why aimed others too?
they are more innocent than i am....

as compare to you guys....
i don't think im in priority in anything...
i'm poor....
i'm good in nothing....
but you guys?
what you want you can get it easily...
you want drive...
you have cars...
you want eat better...
you got money....
you feel not happy and wanted back-stabbing anyone..
you can just stab and you wont care and wont feel guilty about...
you want come here and be the selumble one...
you can always do....
and you can act cool with it....
and i'll always be the one who always worried and impatient...
be the clown for you...
and you wouldn't realize...
cause you won't care bout others feeling....
you just mind how people look at you...
and wont think about what is the affect for the one that you had back-stabbed...
which really innocent....
i know its not a crime and i don't have the rights to sound this all out...
but how you think if this thing fall on you?
you may say...
"so what?"
so ask yourself...
and please don't try complain for the things you deserved....

P/S: there are lots of mask in our life... when you want to trust someone....please do really observe....do not be the hypnotized one.... when you started to suspect anyone.... please do suspect the one that you trust the most... i mean do not simply go blame others... closest friend may love you until they give away their life... closest friend may also kill you silently....when you are being utilized... don't be sad... cause it proves that you are useful.... you should sad when no one tend to use you... cause it shows that you are actually useless... so be a smart when being use...

To you: Actually she is so close with you...ask her...not me... if you still feel i am the one who reveal it.... try ask the whole class and the source that you know... don't always guess and discuss it in a small group... its really unfair for others....

To:
hey killer...
i know you are reading... you know who you are.... i can be your victim this time.... and this time you can runaway... but remember.... you can fool all the people at a time.... but not all the people at all the time..
this time i have to praise you... you are smart! all the best ya killer...

I CAN BE A GOOD FRIEND
I CAN BE THE BAD ENEMY of yours as the victims is out of my boundary.